For as long as I can remember, Twitter has been a hellhole, although an occasionally hilarious one. Buying the company and firing a lot of its employees so he can run it his way has made things even more chaotic, terrible, and ultimately funny (in the same way it would be funny to see a clown car dropped into a vat of acid), as Elon Musk is a very wealthy one-man meme recycling facility and the world’s least favorite Soundcloud artist.
While the social media platform is being destroyed in many different ways, the most entertaining results are coming from Musk’s redesigned verification system, which allows users to purchase the checkmark that once signified an official account for a price decided upon by Stephen King not replying to a tweet.
Screenshot for posterity pic.twitter.com/IQ5oYAdP9D
— steven ''italian elon musk'' monacelli (@stevanzetti) November 9, 2022
This is because, as was widely expected, assuming you have $8 per month, you can easily create a new identity and then cancel the service and get your money back on your credit card. As soon as the new authentication mechanism went live, “official” tweets of all stripes began flooding in.
The images, which were obtained by Steven Monacelli, are from “Nintendo Of America” and feature Mario flipping the bird and Mario ogling his brother Luigi, respectively. Nikki McCann Ramrez demonstrated the program’s functionality by including this image of Mario. “Ben Shapiro” tweets, “Matt Walsh won’t stop calling me and talking about genitalia,” while “Elon Musk” unveils a new Twitter subscription in the hopes of luring back “Grimes.”
— nikki mccann ramírez (@NikkiMcR) November 9, 2022
As a public service, Joshua Hill has compiled a list of some of the other best examples of the verification system working to protect users from misinformation, starting a thread in which he and others can flesh out the results with things like “George W. Bush” waxing nostalgic about his mass murdering days (and “Tony Blair” chipping in with solidarity).
Even “Rudy Giuliani” has tweeted things like, “George Soros shoved me down in the street and I was stuck on my back like a turtle for several minutes” and “I would like to announce I shredded.”
It’s going GREAT pic.twitter.com/nZBCi8tzBc
— Louie (@uwsptke594) November 10, 2022
And that’s not all: “President Biden” tweeted about jerking off, “Dave Chappelle” tweeted that he was no longer a “TERF,” “O.J. Simpson” admitted to the murder, “Valve” announced a new game, “LeBron James” demanded a trade, two “Pope Francis” es conversed with “Martin Luther” and “Pope John Paul I,” and “Twitter” attempted a cryptocurrency scam.
Since we’re not geniuses like Musk, we’re at a loss to see how exactly any of this benefits humanity beyond providing a few good chuckles at the expense of a billionaire dipshit tripping over his own shoelaces.
Okay twitter blue might lead to a small crisis at the Vatican, but I’m sure it’ll be sorted out soon https://t.co/1tJTE4KHUF
— Read Jackson Rising by @CooperationJXN (@JoshuaPHilll) November 10, 2022